Not Letting it Get you Down

Sometimes you don’t always understand. And that’s OK.

Everyone is entitled to their own moods or problems, but the biggest obstacle is not reacting to it with how it affects you. This could be, at times, unsurmountable, especially when it comes to someone with very severe moods, who is not aware of how they are acting.

I think my boyfriend has chronic depression. I used to think it was my fault. I had low self esteem for a very long time and because of a condition that went undiagnosed, I had massive mood swings. I wasn’t always nice and I felt like this was the reason for his withdrawal and depression.

I am beginning to believe that this is not case. I may have attributed to it, as well as other things I have done, but I think on the whole, this is a much bigger problem. I am not sure what to do or how to address it. I have never dealt with real depression before. My mother has issues, she’s bi-polar, but she’s more crazy than depressed.

It’s odd how it works. Some days he just lays around and does nothing. Other times, he’s quiet and cranky. Just snaps, nothing severe, but when you get a word from him, it comes out sounding, well, rude.

He’s a negative thinker and often very critical. Now, this may seem pretty bad, but it’s not always like this. He’ll go stretches without a problem, and truthfully it hasn’t been this frequent  in years. And I definitely have my moments, but it’s getting to the point that I feel I can’t even have those moments without setting him off on a depressive string.

If I have a few days of crankiness, this can erupt in a week of silence, oversleeping, and snide comments. I don’t know what to do. It’s not anything that I cannot deal with and it’s gotten to the point where it doesn’t really upset me personally anymore. It’s more about making sure he’s OK and gets better.

I think sometimes that maybe I’m over dramatizing. Maybe his moods are a normal part of life and I am attaching some illness to it to explain our problems. I do come from over-emotional, hypochondriac stock so this is a possibility, but I think it’s more.

All I can do is just take a step back, let him work through it and try not to let it affect me. It’s not easy but I feel that this is the best thing for both of us.