Reality is Happiness
August 20, 2008
So for anyone who has ever read this blog, it will probably come to no surprise when I tell you that things have been a bit disjointed for me over the past few months. Truthfully, I cannot claim to ever have had it together, but I will say it’s been a bit more rough than usual.
And I think part of my problem is, I’ve shut myself down from the rest of humanity in many respects. Things have happened that, for the sake of people close to me and because of my own embarrassment and shame, I will not mention, but that I am greatly ashamed of. In short, I did something very, very bad. Though it’s much more complicated than that and I’m being unfair in certain respects, but this is not my point. Because of what I did, I have convinced myself that I am not a good person and haven’t allowed myself to be fully happy, as I do not feel I deserve to be. Again, this is not the point, but I felt I needed to lay the groundwork, and as I am anything but concise, it’s turning into my life story.
Part of this shutting myself off, has involved stopping myself from being inspired by others. I am very much a dreamer and very much an idealist and very much a person that feeds off of others. Through writing this blog, I have slowly begun to feel those same sparks again as there are just so many talented people within this community and I have had the pleasure of having some really wonderful people stop by and comment, which means a lot to me.
Tonight, I stopped by a blog I stumbled onto a couple of months ago and one that gave me that instant spark. It fit right into my feelings on the role celebrities play in this society and is doing something to reverse the thought process. The blog is the Faces of Bellingham and many of you are probably familiar. It’s a site devoted to showing, you guessed it, the faces of Bellingham, Washington.
As explained by Lea Kelley, the site’s creator, she stumbled into the project on a “lark,” in subsequent events after she was given a camera by a friend. I am not going to recap her message, as I don’t think I could do it justice or phrase it nearly as beautifully as she does, but as explained in the project statement:
“This community art project reflects a culture in which we are obsessed with celebrities. We live our own lives through celebrities. We watch them, love them, and give them the responsibility to reflect our desires and aspirations. We all want what celebrities have. We want recognition for who we are and acknowledgment for the things we do. Each individual has the ability to contribute to our society by way of our talents, personalities, skills, and participation…”
Tonight, I explored the site some more and found myself getting that same old inspiring feeling — the one that makes me want to turn my own thoughts and ideals into reality and do something to benefit the people around me in the same way as Lea Kelley, instead of just thinking or talking about it. What is so wonderful about what she is doing, is the simplicity of it. It’s so natural and real and from the heart. There’s nothing contrived. It’s not over top, preachy, or in your face. It’s beautiful and straight forward and raw.
This is what I feel is so important in life, in the things we do every day, to just be real. To find the beauty and the happiness around you. To surround yourself in it and to not keep thinking that you would be so much happier living another kind of life or in another way. And even more importantly, to be active in what you believe and to do something to really try to improve your own life and the lives of the people around you.
I have realized that shutting myself down is not going to help my problem. It will only make it worse. All I can do is to find the happiness around me and to try to make others in my life happy as well. Because eventually what has happened will be in the past. And the past will become history. What’s important is the future.
You’ve reminded me of a story from about fifteen years ago:
We were on vacation in Palm Springs, and we took a bus tour of the Coachella Valley. Our tour guide was a retired gentleman named Mr. Harriman. As the bus was transiting between sites, Mr. Harriman told us stories of his early days in Palm Springs. He had moved there in the 1950’s, when it had been discovered by Hollywood stars but not by the newspaper photographers, so it was common for stars to come to Palm Springs to “let their hair down” and act like themselves without reporters around.
In those days, Mr. Harriman told us, the only place in town to have a drink was the Racquet Club. He didn’t have much money himself, but he used to drop by the Racquet Club and buy one drink, and sit and nurse it as he watched stars and celebrities arrive and leave. It made him feel like he was among the famous.
After the last stop on our bus tour, we had a long run down the Valley back to our resort, and while we making that run Mr. Harriman told us this final story:
It seems when he first moved there, he was a schoolteacher. Specifically, a music teacher. In fact, he was the only music teacher in the whole Coachella Valley, so he rotated from school to school, spending a couple of days at each before moving on to the next.
Whenever he first showed up at a school, all the children would run to him and crowd around him in excitement, because they knew that his arrival meant they would have a few days’ break from the usual monotony, while they studied music.
One evening, after a day of teaching school, Mr. Harriman dropped by the Racquet Club and bought himself a drink. While he was sitting there nursing it, he recognized, at another table, a little girl who had been in his fourth-grade class that very day. She was sitting with a well-dressed man and a well-dressed woman who he assumed were her mother and father. But the real excitement was that they were having dinner with Dinah Shore!
You are too young to know about Dinah Shore, but she was a famous singer from the big band era, and also one of the early female talk show hosts. She was an enormous celebrity in her day, and current celebrities like Oprah Winfrey owe a lot to her.
Anyway, when Mr. Harriman got back to the school the next day, he took the little girl’s teacher aside and said, “Do you know who I saw that little girl, in your class, having dinner with last night? Dinah Shore!”
The teacher replied, “Well, she’s never said anything to us about Dinah Shore, but you know, when she got to school this morning she was so excited that she couldn’t wait to tell everyone, and all the other students were so jealous, becauset when she was out to dinner last night, she saw Mr. Harriman!”
Moral of the story? Well, I think you know already.
You are so correct shutting yourself out does not and will not help you to heal and grow. I have been in the place where I did not want to see anyone – talk to anyone or could hardly pull myself out of bed in the am. It took time and convincing from friends to open the door just enough to begin to see light then slowly it fully opened. That will happen for you – surround yourself with people who care and who challenge you not to shut down. You will find alot of that support here on your blog but this place is not enough you need face time and physical contact with people to really feel the positive impact and love. Growth – realization and change happen everyday and this is very exciting as long as you are receptive to it – Open your door just alittle and the light will shine thru. You are on an amzing journey and I can tell that you are getting stronger and stronger every day!! Keep it up we are all here with you every step of the way.
gs — that’s a great story. Thanks!
Cathy — Yes, I agree. I do have people close to me who are wonderful, but I kind of put a bubble around myself because of what happened. I know I can’t do that and that in the long run it will just make it so much worse so I am slowly opening myself up again. Thank you for the words and advice.