In Two Seconds

Today, the fiancee of a girl I work with was killed.

I heard her cries from my office and an instant I knew it was beyond the “My grandmother has died,” “The family cat was run over,” grief. These were wails, horrible cries that only come when the nightmarish, unimaginable has occurred. She ran into my boss’s office, and I followed. She threw him her cell phone and collapsed on the floor, rocking and sobbing. This is the vision I cannot get out of my head. Her, crumbling.

Everyday you hear about murders and deaths on the news; you shake your head and think how horrible it is that such a young life was taken, your heart goes out to the family, wife, children. But then you move on. There’s a disconnect between what happens and what happens in your life.

The one thing that struck me the most was how wrong it felt that he was dead. I did not know him, but it just felt like it shouldn’t be happening, she should not be going through this. Her fiancee should be alive.

In two seconds your world can come crashing down. You cannot take on every tragedy so close to your heart, that would be crippling, and I do not want to wax philosophical about how it has made me take stock of my own life and be grateful of the people I have.

It’s just something that happened today, and something that has changed someone else’s life forever.

Some Tips to Avoid or Evade Psycho Killers

So I have been watching some horror movies over the last few days — tis the season — and I have picked up a few words of wisdom that I wanted to pass along — just in case anyone finds themselves in a situation this Halloween.

In the case that you find yourself around a freaky, immortal psycho killer, here are some tips:

• Do not have elicit sex — this goes especially for teenagers — in any of the following places:

1. The home of a child you are babysitting.

2. The backseat of a car.

3. A summer camp.

• Also, do not add alcohol and-or drugs into the mix, because for some reason, and why I am not sure, this seems to make immortal, psycho killers especially angry. It also makes you less aware of your surroundings.
• Do not ignore the freaked-out, indignant, screaming person, especially if it is a child. This is critically important. There is typically a reason for their freaked-out, screaming, indignation.
• Do not gather alone with friends in a place or on a night notoriously known for when or where the said freaky, immortal psycho killer claims his victims, and-or a secluded location (i.e. an abandoned  summer camp).
• Do not choose to lose your virginity on the aforementioned night or location.
• If you should happen to find yourself in a situation where there is a creepy person looking odd or just kind of lurking about, do not tease, taunt or provoke him.
• If you are alone and hear a suspicious noise, and it suddenly appears that all of your friends have gone missing, do not, under any circumstances, try to figure out what it is. This is your cue to run. Please also add to this, do not call every one of their names over and over again, as you slowly walk through the house looking for them.
• Same as above, only substitute a dog barking and snarling wildly, sometimes followed by it’s subsequent silence.
• Know what the body of your respective other looks like. Sometimes the psycho killer likes to wear a mask and and try to fool his innocent victim, and, despite the fact that he is usually very large, breathing heavily and carrying a bloody knife, this seems to fool a lot of people.

If you have ignored all of the above, now is the time to pay attention. In the event that you should find yourself confronted by a immortal psycho killer, do not, under any circumstances do any of the following:

• Look behind you while running. You are running. You need to see in front of you. If you look back, you will not only slow yourself down, but either run into or trip over something.
• Run into the house. Stay outside.
• Grab a flashlight and not a weapon. If you are in a basement, garage, attic, utility closet, anywhere there are tools or sharp objects, please grab something, preferably something that could injure. It may be dark, but survival is much more important.
• Run in a straight path in front of or pause and stand in front of a car bearing down on you. Move to the side and, for the love of God, keep moving.
• Drop the murder weapon right next to the psycho killer after you have stabbed him repeatedly and think he is dead.
• Ever assume he is dead. A key word to remember would be, immortal, so after you think you have taken care of the mad man either tie him up, or run like freaking hell. Do not breathe a sigh relief, shed tears of grief, or rejoice with the only other living person.

OK, I think that’s enough lessons to get you through. But I must warn you, in the event you find yourself in this situation, and you walk away a survivor, please be warned you will have to go through this, once or twice a year for the next 5 or 8 years, depending on how many sequences it actually takes to run your immortal psycho killer to his death.

Happy Halloween.