I am Shoelace-Challenged

I want to address an issue that I feel others may suffer from as well. A topic rarely discussed. If just one person can be inspired by my words, than I feel it is worth it.

I am, and have been since the day I learned to do it, shoelace challenged. Perhaps, I never learned to do it correctly. I tried the bunny ears for a while, but soon graduated to the more grown-up, traditional approach. Now, here I am 20 some years later and I cannot keep my shoelaces tied for more than 10 minutes at a time.

At first, I blamed the shoes. The laces were too thick; there was only little metal thing-a-bobby to wrap the lace around; the tongue of the shoe was too fat. But after shoe after shoe after shoe, I could no longer lie to myself. I cannot adequately tie my shoes.

Oh the ridicule. Comments here, “Do you know your shoe is untied,” and there “You better tie that or you’re going to fall on your face;” each one like a dagger. My boyfriend laughing at me when I swear that there is nothing I can do; “Yes, our hike will have to be held up every five minutes.” Friends pausing to tie my shoes for me. How I longed to be a person who did not have to worry about a stray lace, or tripping over their open shoe.

Today, after schlepping through the snow to the grocery store, I was selecting a carton of eggs when I heard a whisper behind me “Ma’am, I wanted to let you know your shoelaces are untied. I didn’t want you to hurt yourself.”

Oh, how could he know that I had given up; that I had stopped trying and only bent over to pull my laces back together when a kind stranger such as him made a plea for my safety. I suddenly realized that I must keep trying; I must keep working at sliding the one lace over the other one and pulling it through, making a loop, wrapping the other around and making another loop, then pulling them through and tight again. If not for myself, than for everyone else out there who wants me to be shoelace able.

Sure, I could take my boyfriend’s suggestion to switch to Velcro or to tape my shoes together, but that would be a cop out.

I employ all other shoelace-challenged people to never give up, to never back down in the face of adversity. Yeah, it’s heartbreaking and oftentimes incredibly annoying that everyone in the entire world seems obsessed with the state of your shoelaces, I mean seriously, but they are only being kind. They have no idea the struggles and challenges you have faced.

I am providing something that I think can help, I, myself, plan to practice three to four times a day.

The Creepy Bugs are Attacking!!!

I’m not scared of no bug.

Spiders? Nothing. Stink bugs? Please. Centipedes, millipedes, whatever bring it on.

But then i saw it……

Fat. Like  a semi.

With tons of legs. And fur, I think. Yes, most definitely fur.

Moving across the floor like a bat out of hell.

I gasped. Fear struck, but I held my cool. No biggie. I could handle it.

Then…..

Another one. This one moving a bit slower. Cocky really.

This is more than just a creepy random bug. This is an epidemic. I am being overtaken by fat, multi-legged, fast-moving creatures.

Now, I am crouched on my coffee table desperately writing this in hopes that when they find me, there will be a record of what happened. The world will know that i didn’t just randomly croak in the crouched position on my coffee table over my laptop with a stained tank top on and frizzy hair. Had I known this would be the end, I would have at least worn a bra. i don’t want the EMT to think I’m skanky.

So to all my readers, the three of you know who you are, thank you and if you don’t hear from me in a few days you will know what happened. Tell the world.

Or, I will finally get the courage to go to bed and forget about this in the morning. Either way, have a good night.